Are You Losing Yourself in a Relationship? – 3 Keys to Finding Your Voice

Are You Losing Yourself in a Relationship? – 3 Keys to Finding Your Voice

Being in a relationship can be very fulfilling. But not all relationships are healthy and thriving. Losing yourself in a relationship may be a signal that your relationship is unhealthy or a sign that you feel some insecurity and anxiety about losing the relationship.

When you’re anxious and insecure about the relationship, it’s easy to lose yourself. You might find that you spend all of your time with your partner and their friends for fear of missing out on opportunities to spend time together. Perhaps your loved ones have noticed that they don’t see you as much anymore.

Maybe you’ve put your old hobbies on the back burner or quit doing things you once found fun because your partner did not have the same interests. Or you may have simply given up on the goals you had before the relationship, and instead, your entire focus has been on your partner.

But just because you feel like you’ve lost yourself doesn’t mean you can’t discover yourself again. Rather than wait for your partner to make you feel secure, it is important for you to take control of your thoughts and behaviors.  How your partner responds to these changes may be a good indicator as to whether this person is healthy for you.  If you’ve been putting your own needs and wants aside in favor of your partner’s and you’ve been stifling your own desires, here are three keys to finding yourself again.

Key #1: Rediscover Your Hobbies

What happens when you date someone who doesn’t share any of your hobbies?

Well, if they’re a supportive partner, they will encourage you to pursue those interests anyway. They won’t mind that you have your own hobbies separate from the activities you both enjoy together. But if you have a partner who is controlling or demanding, you might wake up one day and realize that you’ve neglected everything you used to love doing.

The answer? It’s time to dive back in.

See if there are any local groups or volunteer organizations you can join where you can meet other people that like the same hobbies. Make time for yourself and your hobbies once again.

Key #2: Spend More Time with Your Loved Ones

If you feel like you’ve disappeared into your relationship, it’s probably because you’re spending the vast majority of your time with your partner.

Your old friends might be wondering what you’re up to. Your family might be getting worried because they don’t see you as often as they would like. And you might be feeling a little bored and isolated.

Want to get out of this rut? Reach out to your loved ones. Let them know what’s been going on in your life and ask them about their lives. Explain why you haven’t seen them lately, and ask if they would like to grab coffee sometime soon.

Chances are, your friends and loved ones haven’t forgotten about you. In fact, there’s almost no doubt that they will be happy to have you back in their lives.  Balancing time with your partner, time with friends, and time for yourself can be challenging, but finding the right balance for you is a key component to a healthy relationship.

Key #3: Get Creative in Communication

Have you lost your voice since getting into a relationship? Are there times when you feel like you’re not truly free to express yourself? Do you keep certain thoughts and feelings to yourself, trying to suppress what’s really going through your head rather than speaking up? Maybe it’s time to tap into your creative spirit.

Even if you don’t consider yourself an artsy person, it’s crucial for everyone to have some kind of outlet for creative expression.

Maybe you could try writing in a journal each night. Perhaps you could take an art class with a local teacher. Or you may enjoy singing, dancing, or playing an instrument. No matter what your creative passion might be, now is the time to follow it!

And if you’ve never really tried to get in touch with your creative side before, this is the perfect opportunity to experiment.  Developing this side of yourself may inspire you to speak up and communicate more openly with your partner about your needs.

Do you feel that you have lost yourself in a relationship? Are you worried that you’ve forgotten who you really are? Are you wondering if your relationship is healthy for you?  Therapy can help you find your voice again. Learn more about relationship help, or feel free to contact me and see how we can work together to rediscover yourself.