Getting Over a Breakup Is a Battle – How Can You Prevail?

Relationship Help

Everyone has experienced heartbreak before. It can be a shock when someone you love has decided to end the relationship.

When you are dealing with a broken heart from a committed dating relationship, it can feel like time has stopped. Suddenly, nothing matters much, now that your ex is out of your life. What you envisioned for your future now seems vague and uncertain.  Often, it can even feel like you’re physically in pain, and you may struggle to find happiness in the activities that you once enjoyed. You may have difficulty focusing on anything and find yourself ruminating on what happened or what you did wrong.

You might find yourself wondering if you will ever be truly happy again. So, how can you heal from your broken heart? What is the secret of learning to love your life again?

Getting over heartbreak is a battle. But it’s a fight you can win.

Here’s how to make it past your heartbreak and come out the other side even stronger.

Recognize the Symptoms of “Addiction”

Did you know that when you fall in love, your brain chemistry isn’t so different from that of someone with an addiction? Therefore, when you go through a breakup, you experience “withdrawal symptoms” in a sense.

The first step to winning the fight to overcome heartache is recognizing that you’re not just dealing with a negative emotional state. You’re dealing with something that has an even stronger hold on you. And moving on is going to require a different strategy than simply trying to keep your chin up.

Allow Yourself to Grieve

A relationship break-up is a loss, and it is important to take time to grieve.  Depending on the nature of the relationship (i.e. length of time and level of commitment) and the break-up process, your experience will be unique to you.  Friends and family may be too quick to cheer you up or promise you that you will meet someone new, but you may not be ready to for that.  Everyone’s timeline of grief is different, but if you believe your grief has gone on for too long and you are becoming frustrated with your thoughts and inability to “move on,” then it may be time to seek additional help.

Stop Searching for an Explanation

After a breakup, you might wonder why your ex decided to end things. Even if they did offer an explanation, there’s a good chance you weren’t fully convinced. Perhaps you can’t help but wonder if there was something else you did that they’re just not telling you.

However, the truth is that you’ll never know exactly what was going through their head. Furthermore, getting the “closure” you desire won’t soothe your anxieties the way you assume it will. Happiness won’t come from anything your ex says or does. That’s because healing has to come from within you.

Quit Idealizing Your Ex

Chances are, you’ve got your ex up on a pedestal right now. How could you ever be happier without them than you were with them? You may be wearing rose-colored glasses when looking in the rear view mirror.

Here’s the good news: your ex likely wasn’t as great as you’re remembering them to be! Our brains are wired to heal from pain. While this can be a positive to help you move on, it can be detrimental if you begin to idealize your past relationship.

So, when you dwell on a happy memory, think of areas of the relationship in which you did not feel fulfilled or appreciated to balance it out and be realistic. You can even make a list of the negative aspects of your relationship to look at when you start missing your ex. That may sound a little glum, but it’s an effective technique to keep your brain from “misremembering” or rewriting history.

Identify the Voids in Your Life

One reason you might miss your ex so much could be that you’re missing aspects of your life with them that you have also lost.

Did the two of you always attend social events together? Were there certain restaurants or breweries in your neighborhood that you hung out at every weekend?

If you had mutual friends, you might feel lonely now that you’re no longer spending time with them. It’s important that you identify where you have voids in your life now and think about what you can do to find new centers of community and enrich your life.

Expand Your Social Circle

By expanding your social circle, you can get over your heartbreak. When you’re ready, this is the final step.

It’s how you win that fight and put all the obstacles behind you!

But remember, going out and meeting new people doesn’t mean trying to find a new partner right away. Right now, your job is to try new things, make new friends, invest in yourself and your friendships and see how much happier the single life can be. Give yourself that time for growth as an individual.

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Has a recent break up left you reeling? Are you struggling to heal from a broken heart? Talk therapy, more specifically Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help you move forward and land on your feet.

If you would like more practical relationship help on your healing journey, feel free to contact me.

Are You Losing Yourself in a Relationship? – 3 Keys to Finding Your Voice

Relationship Help

Being in a relationship can be very fulfilling. But not all relationships are healthy and thriving. Losing yourself in a relationship may be a signal that your relationship is unhealthy or a sign that you feel some insecurity and anxiety about losing the relationship.

When you’re anxious and insecure about the relationship, it’s easy to lose yourself. You might find that you spend all of your time with your partner and their friends for fear of missing out on opportunities to spend time together. Perhaps your loved ones have noticed that they don’t see you as much anymore.

Maybe you’ve put your old hobbies on the back burner or quit doing things you once found fun because your partner did not have the same interests. Or you may have simply given up on the goals you had before the relationship, and instead, your entire focus has been on your partner.

But just because you feel like you’ve lost yourself doesn’t mean you can’t discover yourself again. Rather than wait for your partner to make you feel secure, it is important for you to take control of your thoughts and behaviors.  How your partner responds to these changes may be a good indicator as to whether this person is healthy for you.  If you’ve been putting your own needs and wants aside in favor of your partner’s and you’ve been stifling your own desires, here are three keys to finding yourself again.

Key #1: Rediscover Your Hobbies

What happens when you date someone who doesn’t share any of your hobbies?

Well, if they’re a supportive partner, they will encourage you to pursue those interests anyway. They won’t mind that you have your own hobbies separate from the activities you both enjoy together. But if you have a partner who is controlling or demanding, you might wake up one day and realize that you’ve neglected everything you used to love doing.

The answer? It’s time to dive back in.

See if there are any local groups or volunteer organizations you can join where you can meet other people that like the same hobbies. Make time for yourself and your hobbies once again.

Key #2: Spend More Time with Your Loved Ones

If you feel like you’ve disappeared into your relationship, it’s probably because you’re spending the vast majority of your time with your partner.

Your old friends might be wondering what you’re up to. Your family might be getting worried because they don’t see you as often as they would like. And you might be feeling a little bored and isolated.

Want to get out of this rut? Reach out to your loved ones. Let them know what’s been going on in your life and ask them about their lives. Explain why you haven’t seen them lately, and ask if they would like to grab coffee sometime soon.

Chances are, your friends and loved ones haven’t forgotten about you. In fact, there’s almost no doubt that they will be happy to have you back in their lives.  Balancing time with your partner, time with friends, and time for yourself can be challenging, but finding the right balance for you is a key component to a healthy relationship.

Key #3: Get Creative in Communication

Have you lost your voice since getting into a relationship? Are there times when you feel like you’re not truly free to express yourself? Do you keep certain thoughts and feelings to yourself, trying to suppress what’s really going through your head rather than speaking up? Maybe it’s time to tap into your creative spirit.

Even if you don’t consider yourself an artsy person, it’s crucial for everyone to have some kind of outlet for creative expression.

Maybe you could try writing in a journal each night. Perhaps you could take an art class with a local teacher. Or you may enjoy singing, dancing, or playing an instrument. No matter what your creative passion might be, now is the time to follow it!

And if you’ve never really tried to get in touch with your creative side before, this is the perfect opportunity to experiment.  Developing this side of yourself may inspire you to speak up and communicate more openly with your partner about your needs.

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Do you feel that you have lost yourself in a relationship? Are you worried that you’ve forgotten who you really are? Are you wondering if your relationship is healthy for you?  Therapy can help you find your voice again. Learn more about relationship help, or feel free to contact me and see how we can work together to rediscover yourself.