Anxiety
Many of us feel the pressure to “fix” problems as soon as they arise. We can feel anxious about the idea of leaving things unresolved whether it is with a friend, family member, or even a work situation. The instinct to step in and fix things quickly is natural, but it can lead to frustration, burnout, and even more stress. The good news is that you can learn how to step back and stop trying to fix everything.
Understanding the Need to Fix Things
At the core, the need to fix problems often comes from a place of caring. We want to help others and make situations better. However, this desire to fix things can also come from an anxiety-driven need to regain control or avoid uncomfortable emotions. When we feel uncertain or powerless, we may believe that if we just “solve” the problem, everything will feel okay again. The reality, though, is that some things cannot be fixed right away, and some issues do not need a quick fix.
Recognizing the Impact of Fixing
The constant urge to fix things can have unintended consequences. When you always try to solve other people’s problems, you may unintentionally make them feel less capable. Constantly stepping in can create a pattern where the other person never learns to handle their own challenges. Additionally, you may find yourself overwhelmed by trying to manage everything, which leads to burnout. It is important to recognize that it is okay to let others face their own difficulties, and it is okay to leave things unresolved for a while.
The Role of Boundaries in Letting Go
A critical part of overcoming the need to fix everything is setting boundaries. When you learn to set boundaries, you allow yourself to step back and allow others to handle their own issues. This may feel uncomfortable at first, especially if you are used to stepping in, but it is essential for maintaining healthy relationships and your own mental well-being.
Here are a few strategies to start setting healthy boundaries:
Recognize Your Limits: Understand that you cannot solve every problem. When you feel the urge to jump in, pause and ask yourself if this is a problem you need to solve or if it is something the other person needs to handle.
Communicate Clearly: If someone comes to you for help, let them know that you are there to listen and support them, but not to take over. Encourage them to work through the issue on their own.
Practice Self-Care: Taking care of yourself helps reduce the anxiety that drives the need to fix things. Spend time doing activities that relax and recharge you, so you are not constantly focused on others’ problems.
Shifting from Fixing to Supporting
Instead of trying to fix everything, focus on being a supportive presence. Listening attentively, offering empathy, and providing resources are often more helpful than immediately offering solutions. Sometimes, simply being there and validating someone’s feelings can make a significant difference.
You can also ask questions that help the other person think through their options without taking over. For example, instead of offering an immediate solution, you can say, “What do you think would help in this situation?” This shifts the focus from you fixing the issue to them exploring their own solutions.
Conclusion
Accepting that not everything needs to be fixed can be liberating. You do not need to control every situation, and you certainly do not need to take on the responsibility of fixing every problem. By letting go of the need to fix things, you allow yourself and others the space to grow, solve problems on your own, and even learn from mistakes.
Learning how to let go of the anxious need to fix everything is an ongoing process. Over time, you will notice that things feel less overwhelming, and you will develop healthier relationships with those around you. If you are ready to let go of your need to control, schedule an appointment for anxiety therapy with me!
Anxiety
Anxiety can be a constant, unwanted companion for many people, affecting daily life in significant ways. From heart-pounding panic attacks to just feeling constantly on edge, anxiety can make everything seem more difficult. One of the most effective treatments for anxiety is exposure therapy, but does it really work? Let us explore how it works and why it might be helpful for people struggling with anxiety.
What is Exposure Therapy?
Exposure therapy is a treatment that helps people confront their fears in a controlled and gradual way. The basic idea is that avoiding what causes anxiety actually makes the fear worse. For example, someone with a fear of flying may avoid airplanes altogether, which only strengthens the fear. Exposure therapy works by slowly exposing the person to the thing they fear, allowing them to process the anxiety in a way that leads to lasting changes.
How Does Exposure Therapy Help?
Exposure therapy targets the way anxiety works in the brain. When we experience anxiety, our brain associates certain situations, objects, or thoughts with danger, even if there is no real threat. Over time, this creates a cycle of fear and avoidance. By confronting the fear directly and repeatedly, the brain learns that the feared situation is not as dangerous as it might seem.
For example, someone afraid of flying on airplanes may begin exposure therapy by watching a video about airplanes, then progress to a flight simulator, then working their way up to visiting an airport and eventually going on an actual flight. Each step is designed to build tolerance to the anxiety while showing the individual that the feared situation is not harmful.
Does It Really Work for Anxiety?
The short answer is yes, exposure therapy can be highly effective in treating anxiety. It has been shown to help people with a variety of anxiety disorders, including phobias, social anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Research supports its effectiveness, with studies showing that it leads to long-term reductions in anxiety.
However, exposure therapy does not work overnight. It requires time, effort, and commitment from both the therapist and the client. The process of facing fears can be uncomfortable at times, but the goal is not to eliminate anxiety entirely—it is to reduce its power and allow individuals to function more freely in everyday life.
Is Exposure Therapy Right for Everyone?
While exposure therapy is effective for many, it may not be the best option for everyone. Some individuals may find the process overwhelming, and in those cases, a therapist might suggest starting with other techniques, such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), to first address the thoughts and beliefs that contribute to anxiety. It is also important to work with a therapist who can guide the process in a safe and structured way.
Tips for Getting Started with Exposure Therapy
If you or someone you know is considering exposure therapy, here are a few things to keep in mind:
Start Small: Do not jump into the most intense exposure right away. Gradual exposure helps build tolerance over time.
Be Consistent: Like any therapy, exposure works best with regular practice. Even small exposures add up.
Track Progress: Keep a record of each exposure and how it made you feel. This can help track progress and provide motivation.
Final Thoughts
Exposure therapy is a proven method for helping people overcome anxiety. It is not an instant fix, but it can be a powerful tool for reducing fear and improving quality of life. If you are struggling with anxiety and wondering whether exposure therapy might work for you, talking to a trained therapist like me can help guide you toward the best anxiety treatment options for your needs.
Anxiety
Anxiety attacks are difficult to manage and can definitely derail your life. However, having the right tools at your disposal can help you manage and prevent anxiety attacks. Positive psychology and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) offer practical ways to regain control when anxiety hits. In this article, we will look at how to use these approaches to calm an anxiety attack and feel more in control of your emotions.
Understanding Anxiety Attacks
Anxiety attacks happen suddenly, often leaving you feeling like you are losing control. You might experience symptoms such as a racing heart, a sense of impending doom, shortness of breath or dizziness. These physical sensations can make anxiety attacks feel intense, but it is important to remember that they are not life-threatening. Understanding the way anxiety works in your body is the first step toward managing it effectively.
What is Positive Psychology?
Positive psychology focuses on building strengths, improving well-being, and cultivating a resilient, positive mindset. Unlike traditional psychology, which often deals with fixing problems, positive psychology emphasizes enhancing what is already working well in your life. During an anxiety attack, you can apply this approach to help you shift your mindset and focus on strengths and positive experiences.
How to Use Positive Psychology During an Anxiety Attack
Shift Your Focus: When anxiety strikes, it is easy to get caught in a cycle of negative thoughts. Try to redirect your attention by focusing on something positive. Think of a memory that makes you feel calm or a person that makes you happy, visualize that memory/person. This simple practice can interrupt the anxiety cycle and bring your focus back to the present moment.
Practice Gratitude: Research in positive psychology shows that practicing gratitude can reduce anxiety and stress. Take a moment during an anxiety attack to mentally list three things you are grateful for. It could be something small, like a homemade meal, or something larger, like a new job opportunity.
What is CBT?
CBT is a widely-used treatment that helps people change unhelpful thinking patterns and behaviors. CBT focuses on the interconnected relationship between thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. By identifying negative thought patterns, you can learn to push back against them and replace them with more realistic, or even positive, thoughts to improve your mental health.
How to Use CBT During an Anxiety Attack
Focus on the Present: Anxiety often pulls us out of the present moment and into the future. By focusing on the here and now, you can reduce anxiety. Practice grounding techniques such as noticing five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. This exercise helps you stay connected to the present and distracts your mind from anxious thoughts.
Use Breathing Exercises: CBT encourages slow, deep breathing to calm the nervous system. Try a few box breathes which involve inhaling for four counts, holding for four counts, and exhaling for four counts. This technique helps to counteract the fight-or-flight response triggered during anxiety attacks.
Combining Positive Psychology and CBT
Both positive psychology and CBT are powerful tools on their own, but together, they can be even more effective. These approaches give you the skills to control your thoughts and emotions during stressful moments, helping you feel more grounded.
Conclusion
Anxiety attacks are challenging, but they do not have to control you. Using positive psychology and CBT techniques can empower you to push back against the anxiety sneaking in. If you practice these techniques, particularly with an anxiety therapist, they will become tools that you can rely on in moments of anxiety, helping you feel more at ease. I regularly incorporate CBT and positive psychology into my sessions. If that sounds like something you are interested in, book an appointment for anxiety therapy with me.
Anxiety
Anticipatory anxiety can affect anyone, from teens stressing about school to adults worrying about a work presentation or their relationship. But what exactly is it, and why do we experience it? In simple terms, anticipatory anxiety is the feeling of anxiety before an event or situation happens. It’s the worry or dread we feel about the “what-ifs” and the potential outcomes we can’t control. This type of anxiety often occurs when we’re thinking about something in the future and fearing the worst.
Why Does Anticipatory Anxiety Happen?
Our brains are wired to anticipate danger. This was helpful throughout history when humans needed to stay alert for threats, but it can be unhelpful today when there is no real danger. Anticipatory anxiety is linked to how we process uncertainty. When we’re uncertain about an outcome, our minds may jump to negative conclusions.
Stressors that trigger anticipatory anxiety vary, but the common thread is that we can’t predict what will happen. For example, a student might feel nervous about an upcoming exam because they don’t know exactly what the test will cover or how well they’ll perform. An employee might have anxiety about a meeting because they don’t know how their boss will react to their presentation.
How Does Anticipatory Anxiety Show Up?
Anticipatory anxiety doesn’t just affect our thoughts; it also shows up physically. You might feel a tight chest, sweaty palms, or an upset stomach. These physical symptoms are a result of the body’s natural stress response—commonly known as the “fight or flight” reaction. This happens because our body is preparing to face what it perceives as a threat, even though the “threat” is usually just the anxiety-provoking event in the future. Some other signs of anticipatory anxiety include:
- Trouble sleeping or concentrating
- A racing heart or shallow breathing
- Restlessness or a feeling of being on edge
- Overthinking or obsessing about what could go wrong
How Can You Manage Anticipatory Anxiety?
Challenge Negative Thoughts: When you’re feeling anxious about the future, it’s easy for your mind to jump to negative thoughts. The key to challenging those thoughts is to consider whether you actually have evidence to support the thought, or if it is the anxiety talking. In many cases, you’ll find that the worst-case scenario is unlikely.
Focus on What You Can Control: Instead of stressing about everything that could go wrong, try to focus on the things you can control. Maybe you can study for an exam, prepare for a meeting, or practice a presentation.
Mindfulness and Deep Breathing: Mindfulness is all about being present without judgment. Taking time to breathe deeply and stay in the moment can help you manage anticipatory anxiety. Deep breathing can activate your parasympathetic nervous system, which calms your body’s stress response.
Prepare, But Don’t Over-Prepare: There’s a balance between being prepared and overdoing it. Over-preparation can fuel anticipatory anxiety because it can create more things to worry about. Instead, focus on preparing just enough, then give yourself permission to stop, and relax before the event.
Talk It Out: Sharing your worries with someone else can relieve a lot of tension. Talking to a friend, family member, or therapist can help you gain perspective and feel supported. Sometimes, just having someone listen to your anxiety can make it feel more manageable.
Conclusion
The next time you feel overwhelmed by worry about the future, remember that anticipatory anxiety is a common response. You don’t have to let the fear of what’s coming stop you from enjoying in the present. As a therapist, I can work with you to help you conquer your anticipatory anxiety. Visit my contact page for more information on my offered in-person and virtual anxiety counseling options.
Anxiety
Anxiety affects everyone in different ways, but one thing is clear: those racing thoughts can be hard to turn off. You’ve probably heard the usual advice of deep breathing, mindfulness, and distraction, but let’s explore some fresh ideas you may not have tried. These tips combine clinical insights with simple techniques that can help you manage anxious thoughts.
1. Write in 3rd Person
Journaling is a common suggestion, but let’s take it a step further. When you feel those anxious thoughts creeping in, write about them as if you were describing someone else. Use third-person language and reflect on their feelings, fears, and thoughts. For example, “She is really worried about what will happen at the meeting tomorrow. She feels like she might mess up, but she is overthinking. In reality, she has prepared well, and the meeting will likely go smoothly.” Shifting to the third person can help you detach from your own anxiety and look at the situation from a more objective and less emotionally charged.
2. Break the Thoughts Down (Literally)
When anxiety hits, your brain can get flooded with many thoughts all at once. Instead of letting them pile up, try breaking them down to examine them. Open a note on your phone and write down each anxious thought. Then, next to each thought, write a short, neutral response. For example, if you’re worried about a first date, you could write: “I’m worried they won’t like me.” Response: “I’m going to be myself and if they don’t like me, then they aren’t meant for me anyway.” Writing these out makes them feel more concrete and gives you a sense of clarity and control over your thoughts.
3. Redirect Your Thought With a Focus Walk
A traditional walk might help clear your head, but a walk with intentional focus could be more effective. As you walk, deliberately focus your attention on the details of your surroundings. Notice the colors of the leaves, the texture of the sidewalk, the sound of your steps. By tuning in to the present moment and your senses, you break the cycle of anxious thinking. Plus, the endorphin boost from the walk can help improve your mood.
4. Find and Feel the Tension
When anxiety is high, try to bring attention to where your body feels tense. Shoulders? Chest? Stomach? Once identified, challenge yourself to hold onto that tension for a few breaths. When the time is up, take a deep breath and let go. The idea is to confront the discomfort head-on, breaking its grip through awareness and controlled release.
5. Turn on Do Not Disturb
Using “Do Not Disturb” mode on your phone can help reduce anxiety when we are constantly bombarded by notifications from messages, social media, and the news. It provides a structured way to create mental space by limiting interruptions, which can lower the pressure of immediate responses and constant digital engagement. By silencing notifications, you give yourself permission to focus on the present moment, whether it’s studying, relaxing, or engaging in self-care, without feeling distracted by the demands of social media or messages.
The benefit of this method is that it removes the constant “checking” habit, which can escalate anxiety. Also, it gives you the mental space to work through tasks that you may have been procrastinating on while distracted by your phone.
Conclusion
If the regular suggestions of mindfulness and relaxation don’t work for you, try incorporating some of these alternative techniques into your routine. Remember, you don’t ever have to face your anxiety alone! As a licensed anxiety therapist, I am here to help guide you toward a more relaxed life. Contact my office to schedule an in-person or virtual visit, and we can work together to manage your anxiety.
Anxiety
Making decisions isn’t always easy. Of course, often, it depends on how weighty the decision is.
But sometimes, it also depends on our frame of mind and emotional state.
If you’ve ever felt frazzled, worried, or anxious when having to make a decision—big or small—you know how torn your mind can be. Jumping back and forth between which choice to go with, it feels like your brain is short-circuiting. Over time, some people give up and begin to label themselves as “indecisive,” which can have a negative effect on their self-esteem, confidence, and relationships with others.
The Neuroscience Behind Decision-Making
Making a decision typically means we have to weigh the risks, rewards, and consequences of any actions we may take. And if we’re faced with a complex decision, we may break this process of weighing down into several small ones.
Interestingly, our brain does something similar as it computes the possible outcomes and what would be the best decision.
Previously, researchers thought that our higher reasoning center, the prefrontal cortex, which plays a crucial role in executive functions—such as the process of calculating risks, rewards, and consequences—was mainly responsible for decision-making. Turns out, though, when we make a decision, there is a lot of overlap between different areas of our brain, involving in a highly complex process. And this includes the area that processes our emotions, the limbic system.
Essentially, we need the input from our emotions that supplies meaning and motivation for effective decision-making. The orbitofrontal cortex creates this bridge, connecting the frontal lobes of our brain with the regions handling our emotions.
How Anxiety Affects the Decision-Making Process
Anxiety is a common modern-day experience for many people. Not only is it a component of a variety of mental and emotional disorders, but it can affect anyone at any time in their life.
Perhaps we’re confronted with a major life transition, a chronic illness, a loss of a loved one, a financial crisis, an epidemic or catastrophe, or other critical situations. And suddenly, anxiety springs up and robs us of our clear-thinking faculties exactly at the moment when we need them most!
How exactly does that happen?
Making decisions, like many other behaviors, is encoded in our brain by certain groups of neurons (brain cells).
Previously, scientists assumed that anxiety over-engages brain circuits and basically “fries” them. Through further study, however, researchers have begun to understand that anxiety instead actually disengages neurons, disrupting normal decision-making activity in the brain.
In other words, anxiety selectively numbs the effect of these neurons and, thus, weakens their encoding power. While this primarily affects the brain cells in the prefrontal cortex related to cognitive functions, it also disturbs the areas responsible for emotional regulation and behavior control.
In effect, our brain short-circuits not from overload but because the flow of neuron activity involved in the decision-making process suddenly becomes suspended.
Reducing Anxiety Helps Improve Decision-Making
Obviously, making good decisions is important especially during times of distress, when we feel overwhelmed, chaotic, or out of control. But as noted previously, those are also the times when decision-making is the hardest.
The good news is that, even when we find ourselves in an anxiety-inducing situation, we can learn to make changes and proactively reduce anxiety. In fact, taking that first step to curtail anxious feelings and worries can empower us. And that can create an upward spiral that leads to continuously making better choices.
That’s because the link between anxiety and bad decision-making also runs in the reverse. Poor decisions can exacerbate anxiety and lead to more bad choices—in essence, creating a snowball effect. Hence, anxiety can be the outcome or the cause of making unhealthy decisions. By interrupting that cycle, we stop the negative flow in both directions. Have you labeled yourself as “indecisive?” Do you struggle with making a decision, no matter how big or small it may seem?” If you struggle with decision making and wonder if it could be related to anxiety, or if you would like information about how to overcome anxiety or how anxiety therapy may be able to help you, please contact me.
